The deepest ADDICTION we ALL have is to who we WERE!

Say what!?

Every time you think a thought, you produce chemicals that course through your body, activate your brain and altogether produce a…

Neurobiochemical stew… Our state of Being.

Add a pinch of worry, a dash of irregular heartbeat, some tension in the neck, a rapid pulse, some increased blood pressure, a dose of adrenaline, mix in some cortisol, a bit of disaster fantasy, some scary images and some shallow breath… and… voila!

You have ANXIETY!

They say… “you are what we eat”, which is absolutely true.

BUT WE EAT OUR STATE OF BEING 24 HOURS A DAY, 365 DAYS A YEAR, and we’ve been eating EVERY MOMENT SINCE WE’VE BEEN ALIVE.

Our State of Being, therefore has WAAAAAY more impact on our health and happiness than does our diet.

But this message is not about diet and I am all for healthy eating.

It is about how our body becomes accustomed to what we feed it MOST.

If we have been eating ANXIETY for 20 years, then our entire system ADAPTS to the neurology, biology, chemistry, muscle tone, breathing patterns, heart rhythms, brain wave states, hormones and neurotransmitters of that state.

Our natural organism is adept at HOMEOSTASIS.

But homeostasis has nothing to do with “positive” or “negative.” It is a “for better or worse” law of nature. 

We can liken this to a thermostat in our home. We like our house at 65° (18°C). And if the temp falls below 65° the furnace kicks on and the house warms up. For the sake of analogy let’s pretend that if the temp rises above 65° the air conditioning would kick on and cool it back down to 65°.

Our body is expert at staying at the temperature we’re accustomed to.

And if 65° is ANXIETY or ARGUING with our loved ones, then when we go to CHANGE that – even if that change is positive, beneficial and desired,

 IT TRIPS OUR ALARM

And sends messages system wide that SOMETHING IS WRONG.

This happens beneath our conscious awareness in the deeper recesses of the brain.

What we notice, if anything, is perhaps vague “discomfort” and then our thinking mind starts to search for the problem.

Oftentimes we don’t notice anything  at all until we are already running down a daydream of what “must” be the problem and re-acting to our STORIES ABOUT life.

Let’s repeat that in a different way. The “alarm” is set off – not because anything IS wrong – but because we are attempting to CHANGE FOR THE BETTER.

And because our mind finds no clear and present danger, there is no LITERAL tiger at our throat, it starts to THINK about what “could” be wrong.

And these thoughts will constitute around the neural grooves and networks that are already firmly established by the habitual thoughts we have been thinking day in and day out for the last 20 years.

In other words we will think the same thoughts, that will produce the same chemicals, that will keep our system stuck at a familiar “65°.”

So, even if we PREFER a cozier 68°, until we reset our thermostat to WHO WE VALUE AND CHOOSE TO BE we will keep falling back to

WHAT WE WERE.

And getting from where we ARE to where we CHOOSE TO BE,

is akin to, and as challenging as, getting FREE from addiction to drugs.

Actually, with due respect to drug addiction recovery, a field I have worked in extensively, the addiction to WHAT WE WERE is perhaps even more challenging to get over, though the consequences are less dire and look more like chronic low grade suffering than immediate death and disaster.

This addiction to our past and the neurobiochemical stew we’ve been eating since conception in utero is underneath the impulses of why people become addicted to x, y, z in the first place.

Know thyself means understanding the SCIENCE of TRUE CHANGE and cultivating the ART of LIVING well.

Thankfully, there are maps, tools, instructions and guides to help us along The Way.

Love to ALL,
~ Michael Boyle

Michael Boyle, LMFT, CDBT of “All Together Academy,” is a licensed therapist located in Taos, New Mexico, who helps motivated couples and individuals go from the norm of just surviving life to absolutely thriving without cheesy gimmicks, excessive processing or typical long term therapy. Real Talk, Real Tools & Real Real Results for Real People.